I work with a complete MORON!!

Okay I thought I was the biggest moron in history, but luckily I've come to the conclusion I am not. Coz you all know I was loosing sleep over this.

There is a person I work with who
A) I can't stand.
B) Is a complete moron.
C) Has no social graces to speak of.
D) Thinks I am highly attracted to him (pleck!).

I see this person when I walk in and I cringe. I know I am going to get the barrage of,

"Hey, how are you?"
"Are you doing ok?"
"What's up?"

I don't mind when someone greets me at work. I always walk in, am friendly and say hello to everyone I pass. However, this person (we'll just use the initial B), B will ask 10 times at least the same three questions I mentioned above. It's not just me B asks, he asks EVERYONE. I mean it's nice to chat, but after the 7th or 8th time, I want stab him in the eye with a fork.

He is a walking nightmare. When I say B has no social graces, I am being polite. B wouldn't know social anything if it hit him square on his ass. He's rude, barges through people, which is not easy when you're carrying four plates of hot food or a tray full of eight full drinks. He takes your meals, your condiments you've prepared, even the trays you've put down to put drinks on. He's like a hurricane that runs through the restaurant. Give B more than three tables and he's running around saying, "We're getting slammed! Fuck, what are we going to do?? I need four Pepsi’s, a starter salad!!!!!" It's hysterical to watch. I am like, "Get a fucking tray, put four Pepsi’s on it, put the starter salad on it, which you don't even have to make and bring it out to the table....greet the next table."

B is pure entertainment on slow nights so perhaps I shouldn't complain. The rest of us are bored, doing the extra work we have before we leave, handling our tables, (maybe 4 of them) He's running around like his ass in on fire, talking to himself mumbling, "B, don’t' cry, you can do this, DON"T CRY"

He thinks I have the hot's for him. Personally I find the neighbours’ dog more attractive and the thought of that makes me throw up a bit in my mouth. He's made comments directly to me and I've laughed directly in his face. He's said, "You and I are going to get it on” I told him to not hold his breath. His response you ask?

"Come on, you know there's a sexual tension between us”

I stop, literally what I am doing. I turn to him. My eyebrows are lifted; my face is cold and stony. "What the fuck did you just say to me? There is nothing between us but this bar you asshole. How would you like it if I told my husband or your wife what you just said to me? My husband would come down here and kick the living shit out of you!! Actually no. He would get what's left over after I smack you around if you EVER speak to me like that again."

Now one would think he would have gotten the message loud and clear, but no this man's level of fucktardery (thanks Steph for the word) is truly astonishing. He said, "Oh you love it and you know it!" I walked directly into the office and reported him to the manager.

So it seems B and his cow of a wife are having problems in their marriage. No big surprise. He "almost cheated on ICQ with an ex-girlfriend" and his wife, we'll just call her C for short found the conversations. So of course now she doesn't trust him. She hasn't given him shag in a year. (not once during her pregnancy or three months after) He was growing a bit tired of the sticky palms to he ventured elsewhere. Now this woman is a cow in the highest proportions. She's a fat chick who hates the skinny ones. (no offense to my wonderful voluptuous girlfriends who love themselves and are sexy no matter what) Unfortunately she gives the bad name. Anyhow, she's a spoilt rotten, fucking bitch who thinks the whole world should stop because she's entered the room.

So they're on a "trial separation” They’re in couples counseling and individual therapy. They want to work on the issues they have and reconcile. Personally I think that she's a spoilt rotten conniving cow and he's a moronic social retard - you would think they'd be a perfect match. I have to give them kudos for trying to work things out.

Well one would think.

The other night B works his shift, entertaining us in his usual manner. Then he comes back a short while after his shift. He's standing at the podium with this female, who's not his wife. So the Manager G seats them, as he's walking by me and another server he says, "Hey, I am back! We're gonna eat!" He's practically yelling this out. I couldn't even look at him; he was making such a buffoon of himself. The other server responds, "Yes I see that" The other server was a male, so perhaps B was trying to make himself look good, I don't know.

G walks over after seating them and said to us, "Good going B, you and your wife are trying to work things out, so bring the chick your cheating with to your place of employment....fucking idiot! Of all of the places you could go” The other server and I were dying laughing. Other server said, "I guess he wanted the discount for his hot date!"

Tell me, really, who does this? Bring your date to your place of employment?? Yes he and the wife aren't living under the same roof, but they are aiming to work their marriage out. We ALL know this because B tells us EVERY shift how the couples counseling is going...step-by-agonizing-step. Apparently they've reached some great steps and are working hard. Then the fuck tard brings a DATE into the restaurant.

Is this just me who thinks this man is a complete fuck job???